Potty Training

I am going to tell this to you straight, potty training is fucked. Like that is it. There is no magic solution, there is no magic book, well there is, Oh, Crap Potty Training! by Jamie Glowacki is the book but you still just have to do potty training. Go through the trenches and commit. Potty training is like everything with parenting, usually if it’s hard and emotionally taxing then the results are worth it. I felt this way with sleep training as well as with potty training and both have definitely been worth it in the long run. 

We have two kids, Angus is currently 3 and Marigold is currently 20 months or like a year and a half or something. We potty trained Angus at 18 months, in comparison to Marigold he was a breeze. Still is in terms of potty training. We read Oh, Crap Potty Training! and followed it pretty much to the tee. What she has to say is sound and I really appreciate her honest and no bullshit approach. 

The theory is that you can potty train an of aged toddler (18-36 months) in 3 days, which is honestly neither here nor there. Sure, in this amount of time they can kind of get the basics but you will not have a potty trained toddler in 3 days. That is not real and the stress you will feel during the entire 3 days will nearly kill you. Seriously. 

One time when Angus was, I don't know one or something, he pooped in the bathtub. I swear to you I threw up trying to pick the very well formed feces out of the bath. Too much? Not if you're in it. So much about having children is losing your modesty. I could just meet you and get naked if you needed me to for some medical reason. “Here I am. Nothing to hide here. Not much of this is mine anymore anyway.” So poop talk has sense escaped me as inappropriate or passe, which doesn't matter, but look I am going to give it to you straight here, as promised. 

So, Angus poops in the bath, I can barely muster up the strength to get it out and flush it and I throw up. Since then I have cleaned up so many forms of poop and pee and vomit. There is no bodily fluid left unturned. My point is that potty training initially sucks because you're desperately trying not to deal with pee and poop. You don't want it on the floor or the rugs or the carpets or! The furniture. LOL You desperately, and I mean desperately try to avoid pee and poop everywhere. You're trying to catch them before they do it and rush them to the potty. My god. The stress and anxiety to not actually deal with it is so exhausting and taxing. It’s truly horrific and to this day I cannot believe that no one is more candid about how insane it is that we have to potty train our children. It is so gross.  

Now, maybe you didn't have this experience at all, I simply love this for you. Hooray to you and yours, truly. I wish this for everyone.

For us we've had pee and poop literally everywhere and at the end of the day the only thing that really helps

with potty training is to “Let go and let God.” And you cannot just kind of let go, you absolutely have to find a safe space in your heart and mind to relax to the best of your ability. Otherwise you’ll be so high strung and stressed and it will stress the kid and everything is literally ruined. There is no other way because this is absolutely one of the only things that the kid has ALL the control. You will get soooo frustrated and you will want to make them pee. You will know for a fact that your kid has to pee or poop and they likely will not, especially if you push. They simply might not do it. It may be out of spite, or fear, or discomfort. It doesn’t really matter because whatever the reason, you cannot make a toddler use the bathroom. I promise you. It is not worth your sanity to fight them, there is no power struggle here because they literally have all the power. The amount of times I have gone off the rails over trying to make the kids use the bathroom is embarrassing. I am not proud of this but it is what it is.

I am going to lay out what I have learned but I want to deeply express that you have got to try to be “chill” during this incredibly disgusting and frustrating time. I promise you, “let go and let God”. Make it a daily mantra when in child's pose resetting. 

With Angus we did what the book said, naked at the beginning until he understood that he was peeing. Kids don't know that they pee all the time, they don’t think about it  so when you remove their diaper and when they start to pee themselves they begin to connect, “oh, I am peeing”. I cannot recall the exact verbiage but I think Jamie, the author, uses the term blocks and I think there are 3 blocks. Block 1 is completed once they understand they are peeing. Block 2 is when they understand that pee and poop go in the potty and I think block 3 is just like potty trained or something. I can’t remember exactly but I do highly recommend this book. A mom friend recommended it to us and it was and still is the bible for me. 

However! EVERY KID IS DIFFERENT and that is annoying. With Marigold I really had to let go of what was “supposed” to happen and just pull a few audibles. She is still in pull ups, which is its own whole thing I will get to but I had to let go. I was trying too hard to make her do it one way and it just wasn't right for literally anyone. Potty training Marigold as with sleep training her has reaaallllyy pushed me to my limits. She does not do anything she does not want to do. She will cry in her crib until she literally throws up before she subsides. I often had an idea of what was supposed to happen with most of everything baby and with Marigold I really had to let that go. It is okay to adjust and redirect. 

Angus was pretty straight forward and worked well with the blocks of the book but a child is not fully potty trained for many, many months so please dear god temper your expectations. I still to this day cannot believe that everyone gets potty trained. Like I feel like all our embarrassing stories that our parents tell about us as children don't often involve potty training stories. “Oh yeah, sweet Jasmine just pooped everywhere hahahahah”. I don't know how I was potty trained since my mom passed and we never talked about it. This was just another segment of parenthood that I was shocked and unprepared for. Please, dear god, talk about it. Tell your friends, be honest, warn them. We do not need flowers and cupcakes, tell it to us straight. Potty training sucks, do it for your future self and for the respect of your child. They deserve to be potty trained. End rant.

Anyway, Angus also night trained himself. I don't know why but it has never been an issue. He had dry

night pull ups for many nights so we stopped. He's maybe had 5-10 accidents total ever. He is a potty

master, and I don't know why. Jamie does not recommend pull ups, she says they are just like diapers and that you really have to commit to the kid and have faith in the kid's abilities. I guess. This is where I was emotionally falling apart about Marigold and Angus, I bought pull ups twice and returned them twice lol. “I have to follow the book or it won't work.” NO. Like with all parenting books, you read, digest and modify to your kids needs. At one point in the book Jamie says something along the lines of, “if they say they have to go you pull over immediately and get them on the potty.” In what world am I on the freeway going to a doctor’s appointment, likely running late, as one does with children, and Angus says pee and I pull off on the shoulder of people going 75 MPH next to us to take him to the bathroom? No. Adjust accordingly, you're a capable, smart adult and parent. Do what's right for you and your family. Be empowered that you know what's right in your gut because you do, you've made them in your body for gods sake.

So once I let the idea go that it had to be done the exact way the book said I was able to be a better me and everyone did better especially Marigold. The big kicker with her was that she  was literally scared of her own poop. My therapist Carmen laughed and said, “Cutte! How Freudian of her (#analretentive).” Let me tell you, it is not cute, it's frustrating and annoying. She was literally scared to the point that I would hug and sing to her on the potty while she went. This, to my surprise, is not uncommon. However, Jamie for whatever reason does not feel “comfortable” to comment on this other than “do what you do when your kid is scared of other things”. I was so frustrated to read that but as they say, “fuck me”. So, I took the very vague though direct advice from the book and I just comforted her as if she were scared of a loud noise or something and it worked. Note, this is different than being scared of the actual toilet itself, for us that was not an issue, though also not uncommon.That and this poop book that had rave reviews on Amazon! We Poop on the Potty! By Little Grasshopper books. I swear to god she pooped in the potty the day we got it. I cannot attest if it's to the book or not but she did. You get so desperate you spend so much money, again there is no magic anything you just have to do it. With that said the aforementioned pop book and the Bean and Potty and Ms. Rachel book did seem to help Marigold. Bean has a small potty and you show him peeing and pooping. Then Ms. Rachel came out with the potty episode! Magic, highly recommend. You don;t know what actually works but those few things really did help us, and rewards. Angus didn't care for the M&Ms he wanted tablet time and to this day sits on his throne with his tablet. Marigold is much more motivated by chocolate chips for pee and gummy bears for poop. Note we included Angus in these treats. When she poops or pees and gets a treat Angus does too. It helped him praise her and Amrigold gets so excited to give “brother”  gummy bear. You just have to find what works and its trial and error and its dumb.

With Marigold, we tried at 15 months. TOO YOUNG! We do not recommend it. Though I am sure it is possible, I think that it is cognitively too young. We did this with the anticipation that we were moving in a few months and had the help of grandpa. Though a bit of a failure, she doesn't poop in her pull up and does pee in the potty. So, a lose/win or something. With Marigold she pees alllll the time. It's ridiculous, that's why she's still in pull ups. The book says no pull ups, all or nothing, just commit. For all of our sanity we threw the book out the window with Marigold. She's half potty trained and for now it is what it is. I plan on more posts on potty training, it's a perpetual issue in your life lol even when they are “potty trained” there are still accidents and regressions but I will list a few of the staples that really helped us get to this point, sorta, kinda, mostly, half potty trained.

1. Potty in the car! 

   We used the foldable one (and bags) with Angus but because Marigold demands excellence we currently have the Baby Bjorn potty in the car.

2. Flushable Wipes

   Cottonelle is the brand. I tried the Kirkland brand twice and I just can't. They break and tear easily and you're only supposed to flush one at a time.

3. Treats and Tablet

   For us the treat reward system and tablet worked best for both kids, it is hard to get them to sit still. Lots of people use books and toys, we didn't have much luck so we went screen time, chocolate chips and gummy bears. There's the ideal instagram way and then there is the real life way. Whatever you choose, I support you and you are a true American hero.

4. Frida Portable Small Potty

   Loved this thing. 10/10 recommend because it eliminates them not being able to sit on the big seats in public restrooms.

5. Potty with Step!

   So good so they can get on and off the pot. We love this thing!

6. Step Stool

   Creates independence and excitement about washing hands.

7. Underwear!

   For Angus we had to get something more like a boxer first so it did not emulate a diaper feeling. Little Blue House is amazing. We love them to this day though also are obsessed with Brave Little Ones, size up with them. For Marigold, when we tried underwear we went with the padded ones since she often had accidents. The book advises not to use these but you really have to do what you have to do. We used doggy pee pads in the car seat as well, 10/10 Costco has a great deal on these.

God speed and good luck. May the potty god’s smile upon you and yours.